It's Not too Early to Start Your Garden

It's early February.  In Idaho.  It's 32 degrees outside and snowing.  But I've already started my garden.

"What the heck is she growing?" you might be asking yourself.  Nothing for my pantry, that's for sure.  I'm working on my forgiveness garden.

I didn't stutter.  That wasn't a typo.  I'm working on my forgiveness garden.

Here's how it works:

The soil is full of manure.  In this case, it's all the stuff I'm trying to forgive.  All the hurts, wrongs, slights, etc.  It's all crap.  Time to put it to good use instead of letting it molder.  To do this, I get out some paper and a pen and start writing hate mail.  I write down a name, and an itemized list of all the hurt they've caused me.  I do this in shorthand, but in my head, it's full sentences complete with Oxford commas and semicolons.  I get it all out.  I feel all the hurt, anger, rage, and cry like I'm having a cheerleader meltdown.  I cry until my eyes are puffy and red, and the ducts are as dry as dust.  

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.  Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

--Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)

Then, I go grab a cup of coffee and start on the next step:  cultivating the beds.  To do that, I open my Bible and pray my way through the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-15).  Any tears left typically fall about halfway through.  I do this until I am calm and quiet.  I do this until I'm not chanting like this is a mantra to hold onto, but me telling God how much He means to me and how grateful I am for all I have been given.

Once that peace has been achieved, it's time to plant.  I pull out my hate mail and another sheet of paper.  I go down the list and pray for the person who has wronged me.  I pray for peace with what has happened.  I pray a prayer a speaker at retreat told me years ago.  "Jesus, I can't do this on my own.  Fill me with your love so I have enough to give to others.  Amen."  And then I pray to let it go.

I might have to keep returning to my garden before forgiveness takes root.  I'm definitely going to have to pull a few weeds of resentment, and my tears will water my plants.  But if I keep working at it, praying about it, and knowing in my heart of hearts that this is the right thing to do, I'll end up with my own little corner of paradise.

Why a garden?  Because you have to cultivate it.  You can't chuck the seeds in the ground, walk away, and hope for the best.  You have to work it, weed it, water it, and then harvest it.  The plants in a garden convert all that manure to fuel and clean the air around it.  No crap.  No toxic air.  Just hard-won beauty.  No matter the season.

"You have heard the law that says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy.  But I say, love your enemies!  Pray for those who persecute you!  In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.  For he gives sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.  If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that?  Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.  If you are only kind to your friends, how are you different from anyone else?  Even pagans do that.  But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect."

--Matthew 5:43-48 (NLT)

Words into Action

Yesterday I wrote about the tongue being dangerous.  In today's world, that includes smartphones and keyboards.  I'm talking about social media.  We deal daily with stories of cyber-bullying and shaming, libel and defamation of character.  Sometimes, it happens to us.  Oftentimes it comes from people we've never met.  

It happened to me last night.  (Note:  this is not an "Oh, woe is me" story.  This is an example of how damaging words can be personally and professionally.)

I own my own business and have listings on social media and internet searches.  The husband of a lady who works in my building has taken it upon himself to harass me via text.  After the last go-round of his venom and my responding as calmly as possible, I thought it was over.  (Note:  I was calm texting, I wasn't in the safety of my brain.)  Last night before going to bed, I logged into Facebook one last time.   A friend of theirs had posted a completely false and damaging review on my business page.  He claimed he was a client who I had attempted to seduce in a very graphic manner.  I'm a massage therapist, and that claim could not only damage my business but also put my state license at risk.  My heart immediately started trying to jackhammer its way out of my ribs.  I searched for a way to get the post taken down (Facebook removed it within minutes), all the while trying not to cry.  I was terrified and angry.  I felt violated.  My practice is built upon skill, integrity, and ethics, and here was some random jerk making a false and damaging claim against me.  I am the sole source of income for my family.  He was threatening not only my career but the well-being of my family.  I wanted to scream.  I wanted to call him every creative and bad name I could come up with.  Instead, I cried and prayed.  Then I called the authorities to find out what my legal options were to protect my family and my business.  

Words are powerful.  They can be used for good or for evil.  They are weapons.  While our words may not be as powerful on as cosmic a scale as God's...they still carry a lot of weight.

In Jeremiah 5:14, God's Word is fire.  In Jeremiah 23:29, His Word is a hammer.  In Hebrews 4:12, it is sharper than a two-edged sword.  He gave us the gift of speech.  Words coming from our mouths aren't sounds and letters strung together in a certain order.  They are weapons.  They can be used on the side of angels or on the side against.  

After the 400 years of silence, the Word Made Flesh was born and turned the entire world on its collective ear.  And He had a lot to say about the things we say.  He talked about how what comes out of our mouths is more important than what goes in (Matthew 15:11).  How we would one day answer for the things we said before the throne of judgment (Matthew 12:36-37).  Most important, how we can't live by bread alone (Matthew 4:4).

I'm not sure what the lesson I'm supposed to be learning from these two guys is.  I don't know what God is trying to teach me.  What I do know is that I'm grateful to have learned how to keep my tongue (and temper) behind my teeth.  I'm not going to lie.  It feels awesome to look at those text messages and see how well I've learned to adult by text.  Now, I need to learn how to do that when it happens face-to-face.

The Power of Your Tongue

Did you know that because of the way it is built, your tongue is the most elastic, pliable, and tireless muscle matrix in your body?  It's not the strongest, but it is the Energizer Bunny of the soft tissue set.  Considering everything we use it for (eating, talking, making funny faces), its stamina is pretty incredible.

Even though it's not the strongest muscle, it is the most powerful.  Not physiologically, but spiritually.  You can use your tongue to build people up or tear them down, to curse or to bless, to praise or blaspheme.  Jonathan Merritt wrote in the 5-day study "Learning to Speak God from Scratch" that, "A simple no can fly from our lips with the decimating power of a shotgun shell, while a sincere yes can alter the course of a life."  Proverbs 18:21 (NLT) says, "The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences."

Simply put, the tongue is a weapon.  Why don't we treat it as such?  We wouldn't wave around a gun, even if we had ejected the magazine and cleared the chamber (at least, I hope we wouldn't).  Why are we so careless with how we wave around our tongues?

Speaking is one of the most sacred acts out there.  God spoke creation into existence.  We are the only species he gave articulated speech to.  We were made in His image.  Right down to the ability to articulate our thoughts, feelings, wishes, dreams, ideas, and desires.  Could you imagine the chaos that would happen if God spoke with the thoughtlessness and abandon we do on a daily basis?

My best friend got me a necklace for Christmas that says "I love Jesus, but I cuss a little."  It's true.  Four letter words fly past my teeth more often than I would wish.  I'm working on that.  I'm not perfect.  I don't have even half my stuff together yet.  But I've gotten it to the point where the cussing is in context.  And I'm careful with things that can be hurtful.  I've been torn apart verbally, and I don't want anyone to feel that way because I did it to them. 

I want to use my words to build people up.  To make them appreciate themselves a little bit more.  I want my tongue to be a weapon in the arsenal of God.  Just like it's easier to smile than it is to frown, it's much easier to be kind than it is to be cruel.  Be free with your kind words.  You have an endless supply of them.  And kindness is a mustard seed.  It can alter the course of a life.

Why This? Why Now?

It's almost four in the morning.  I have to be up and ready to go in less than five hours.  What in the heck am I doing, starting a new blog?!?  I'm stumbling by faith.  Literally and figuratively.  

What is stumbling by faith?  It's kind of like walking by faith, just not so gracefully or confidently.  I'm still learning.  Still figuring it all out.  I finally went and got myself an "adult" bible (read: not paperback and full of teenage-level guide notes).  I'm 37 years old and JUST got the bible that I'm going to be carrying on my journey for the next few decades (considering how much the thing cost, I HOPE it lasts that long...lol).  And so, I'm stumbling along.  Still figuring out how to study (the SOAP method is like pulling teeth to me), what to study (I just landed on Psalm 19 and I blame the first four verses for this blog), and how to get more than just milk out of what I'm reading.  I'm struggling with not comparing myself to others and not getting frustrated.  My faith in God is childlike.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He can do anything, that He loves me, and that He is always there for me...but scripturally, I'm weak.  

I don't do Bible Art Journaling...it would be too easy to get caught up in the art and forget the worship.  And even easier still to start comparing my art with others instead of having it be for Him.  I've already got a few notebooks going, and I need another one floating around like I need another hole in my head.  So...here I am.  This is where all the mess will happen.  I'm hoping you'll come along for the ride.  What that means is that I'm hoping some of you will have a deeper insight into what I'm reading/studying/living/praying that will help me keep my feet on the right path.  I'm hoping you'll pray for me and with me.  I'm hoping that maybe some of what I write hits you right in the spiritual feels and lets you know you're not the only one.  I'm hoping you'll let me pray for you and with you.  

It's an awful, beautiful, messy life.  Who's with me?