It's early February. In Idaho. It's 32 degrees outside and snowing. But I've already started my garden.
"What the heck is she growing?" you might be asking yourself. Nothing for my pantry, that's for sure. I'm working on my forgiveness garden.
I didn't stutter. That wasn't a typo. I'm working on my forgiveness garden.
Here's how it works:
The soil is full of manure. In this case, it's all the stuff I'm trying to forgive. All the hurts, wrongs, slights, etc. It's all crap. Time to put it to good use instead of letting it molder. To do this, I get out some paper and a pen and start writing hate mail. I write down a name, and an itemized list of all the hurt they've caused me. I do this in shorthand, but in my head, it's full sentences complete with Oxford commas and semicolons. I get it all out. I feel all the hurt, anger, rage, and cry like I'm having a cheerleader meltdown. I cry until my eyes are puffy and red, and the ducts are as dry as dust.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
--Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)
Then, I go grab a cup of coffee and start on the next step: cultivating the beds. To do that, I open my Bible and pray my way through the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-15). Any tears left typically fall about halfway through. I do this until I am calm and quiet. I do this until I'm not chanting like this is a mantra to hold onto, but me telling God how much He means to me and how grateful I am for all I have been given.
Once that peace has been achieved, it's time to plant. I pull out my hate mail and another sheet of paper. I go down the list and pray for the person who has wronged me. I pray for peace with what has happened. I pray a prayer a speaker at retreat told me years ago. "Jesus, I can't do this on my own. Fill me with your love so I have enough to give to others. Amen." And then I pray to let it go.
I might have to keep returning to my garden before forgiveness takes root. I'm definitely going to have to pull a few weeds of resentment, and my tears will water my plants. But if I keep working at it, praying about it, and knowing in my heart of hearts that this is the right thing to do, I'll end up with my own little corner of paradise.
Why a garden? Because you have to cultivate it. You can't chuck the seeds in the ground, walk away, and hope for the best. You have to work it, weed it, water it, and then harvest it. The plants in a garden convert all that manure to fuel and clean the air around it. No crap. No toxic air. Just hard-won beauty. No matter the season.
"You have heard the law that says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are only kind to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect."
--Matthew 5:43-48 (NLT)
